Water when it is clear and stirred stays clear… but water that has too much in it, when stirred, becomes murky or muddled; it loses its clarity. I shared with you, my readers, that my life had become muddled and that I was unsure, uncertain and even a wee bit fearful. Life just seemed to be a mass of confusion and muddledness. No, I don’t have the complete answer, but my life is becoming slightly less muddled. I let go of a ministry position that I have done for several years. I let go of being my churches prayer ministry director. A ministry I was and still am very passionate about. Yet, I felt God saying to me let it go! It was a very hard decision because I have a strong desire for prayer; a desire that God placed there many years before; and I just couldn’t grasp that He was now asking me to let it go. In my feeble mind it just didn’t make sense. One day in my quiet time, time spent with just God and I, I heard God say, “Sandra, you can be passionate about this and still be a part of the ministry without being in charge of the ministry. Prayer will always be a part of who you are.” Wow! That day I went in and had a chat with our Campus Pastor and stepped aside from that leadership role. Immediately the waters became less murky and my mind became less muddled.
I have been rather quiet on the blog this past month as my hubby and I took a long vacation to visit our daughter and her new hubby in Texas. I had never been to Texas before so it was a fun adventure. On our way back from Houston we spent a few days in San Antonio at the Riverwalk. Wow, what a wonderful concept. Our hotel was near the Riverwalk Center or Mall. This mall is 3 levels high and on each floor there is an area where you can sit, in the air-conditioned, enclosed mall, and watch the boats go by (boats that take people on tours of the Riverwalk Canal). My hubby and I sat inside on a couple of occasions but for the most part we enjoyed the Riverwalk outdoors. Outdoors by the mall they have a patio area with tables, chairs and umbrellas for you to sit and enjoy some of the great food that is available or you can simply sit and enjoy the atmosphere around you.
The Riverwalk, especially by the Rivercenter Mall, is a very busy place with people shopping and eating, and visitors seeing all the sights. The thing that struck me was … amongst all this hubbub there was a sense of calm. One day as I sat out on the steps by edge of the Riverwalk, just outside the mall doors I had a revelation of sorts. I was struck by the fact I was relaxed, at peace, with a gentle calmness inside. I was in no hurry; I was enjoying the life that was taking place around me. I watched as children hurried to feed the birds small crumbs of their leftover treat. I watched as young lovers held hands with smiles that seemed to be lost in time as they gazed into the faces of each other. I watched as those much elderly sat in silence together. They weren’t gazing into each other’s faces like the young ones, but there was a peaceful knowing among them. I watched as the older one’s communicated love and tenderness towards each other; without ever saying a word. Sometimes, I might even catch a knowing nod or a gentle touch taking place between the two of them. Those couples had the kind of deep down relationship that can only come by spending time together, deeply and intimately, enjoying together whatever comes their way; the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I watched too, as many hustled by without ever stopping; some with children in tow and many with cell phones to their ears totally oblivious to the world around them. They were people lost to the beauty that surrounded them, lost to life that was taking place all around. They could not see it for they were people lost in their own sense of busyness. I realized that I too, if it were not for the fact I was on vacation, would be like those lost in the world of busyness, missing the joys of life happening around me. I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want to be so busy or have so much to do that I miss out on life around me.
Yes, my life is somewhat less muddled today! Praise the Lord. But, my life is still too murky and muddled to be comfortable. Remember the elderly couple, the ones with the quiet knowing from a life spent long and well with each other, with thoughts shared but not spoken, with an intimacy that runs deep, an intimacy that only comes from sharing life together; deeply. I desire that with God; my soul hungers and thirsts for that with God. God has created a beautiful world for me and Him to enjoy together. Life is too short here on earth and I have spent too many years missing those moments. They have been happening for sure, I simply have been too distracted to notice. As I remove the non-essentials and the things that God has not called me too, or is no longer calling me too, as I allow God to be the designer of my life, rather than me, the waters will become less murky. As God and I spend time together enjoying the world around us, my life will become richer, fuller, and all that God intended for it to be and who Sandra is to be in this season of her life will become clear.
The process has begun, now if I can just keep from picking things up along the way that make the waters of life murky and my soul a muddled mess.
Until next time – Be encouraged