Early in the year 2009, Jesus controlled the helm of my life. I spent time daily reading my Bible. Hearing God’s voice a daily occurrence; I felt deeply connected; almost as if his thoughts and mine where one. It was an incredible time in our relationship. Then in the fall of 2009 a life-changing event occurred. I received a potentially serious health diagnosis which necessitated my having surgery. The surgery was scheduled for 1:00pm on a hot day in August. I felt no trepidation or fear. I knew God had it all under control. The surgery did not go well. (To read the complete story see link below). At 3:00am, while gazing out into a dark night sky, in complete peace I said, “Lord, I have no idea why or for what purpose this happened, but I know you’re in the midst.” Initially my faith held strong. The enemy doesn’t miss an opportunity. It wasn’t long before Satan, with the help of a close friend, had me bobbing in a sea of confusion and doubt; a strong riptide which kept sucking me under. It took a long journey of scripture searching and forgiveness of self to overcome the riptide.
Following my surgery I felt God’s leading me to start writing a blog. I ignored the whisper of God for 2 years. I began blogging from a wheelchair; yep, another of those faith building moments. I maneuvered through this crisis much better than the last one. I didn’t go through the sea of doubt. I asked faith questions such as, “Why am I here in this situation at this time?” “What or who has brought me to this place in life?” What would God have me learn? How may I make a difference in the life of another as a result of my experience?” (See the link below for the complete story) The Lord had purposed in my heart to write and now it was time to put pen to paper. In February of 2011 Purple Princess Reflections became a reality.
Fast forward to 2016…. This year has held several challenges starting with a virus which took away most of my hearing for 6 weeks. (Praise the Lord it returned). A couple of months later I received a diagnosis of CVID; a rare immune disease with no cure. And recently hubby is experiencing severe pain due to a back injury. I, hubby, and many friends have prayed for his healing and relief from his debilitating pain. I feel completely hopeless observing him hurt relentlessly often with little relief. Many sleepless nights I’ve cried. I’ve felt prayers were hopeless. I’ve screamed at God! I’ve wondered, “Where is my faith?” “I know God’s got this; why am I unable to rest in that fact”? The answer; because circumstances say differently. The more people prayed, the more challenging it became to share updates. There’s nothing new to report; only pain and no end in sight. Each day more challenging than the last. Each day becoming more discouraged. “Shouldn’t being a child of his afford us benefit while living on earth?” “What are we doing wrong, Lord”, I asked. “Is this the life our “Golden Years” have to offer?” “Where is God in this? What is he doing? And, “Who is God in the midst of our challenges”?
Today, while rereading earlier blog posts I wondered, “Where did the gal, who started blogging from a wheelchair in complete faith and trust, go? What happened to the gal who saw opportunity for growth in challenges? What happened to her?” My friends I’m glad to report, she’s still here. Recent life events, while similar in nature to those experienced in the past, have a different root. I need to observe, learn, feel and fight; yes fight, from a different perspective. There’s more than just God and me in this equation. Satan’s in the midst too! The Lord’s teaching me so much my mind can’t comprehend it all; nuggets of pure revelation being unearthed. Yes, Satan is in the midst, but more importantly the Lord is in the midst!
In the meantime I’m going to keep on asking the difficult and hard questions. I’m going to keep on searching out truth. And, I’m going to keep on fighting.
More to come,
“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Ephesians 6:12
Failed surgery – https://purpleprincessreflections.wordpress.com/2012/12/15/327/
Blog beginnings – https://purpleprincessreflections.wordpress.com/2011/02/24/why-me-lord