I’m often asked by family and friends, “Why do you share so personally on your blogs. Everyone goes through things, yet they don’t put it all out there for the world to see.” “Precisely”, I say. While each person’s walk in life is different, our struggles are often similar in nature. Through my vulnerability, I pray others will find hope for their journey through life. It’s important people know they’re not alone; no matter their struggle.
We’re 30 days shy of 2016 being half over. Days never to be recaptured. I’m learning, ever so slowly, one cannot put too much stock into tomorrow. We need to live each day as our last. The good news I feel well enough to write. I’m back to sharing my life through the written word… at least for today. Only the Lord knows what tomorrow holds.
If you’ve been a reader of my blogs you’re aware the past couple years have challenged me and my family. At the beginning of this year, my friends and I said with confidence, “This would be “our” year”. It’s “my” year, but not the way any of us “thunked“. My hubby ended 2015 by receiving a diagnosis of Parkinson’s. My body, not to be out done by hubby’s, caught 2 severe virus infections; almost on top of each other. Wish someone would have told it we were not in competition. The last infection took out my hearing for months; a learning experience of a whole different dimension. I get one health challenge under control only to discover another one rearing its ugly head. I’m in a never ending battle. My calendar these past 5 months was ladened with physician-after-physician and lab-after-lab appointments. June’s pretty full already and July has a few. Do I dare hope for August to stay completely unfettered of medical appointments? Oh my!
A page or two from my journal… In my younger years I didn’t think much about the future. Figured the future would take care of itself. now, thoughts of the future fill me with doubts and fears. The life I have now is nothing like I envisioned at this stage. To be honest, Lord, I’m not sure what I envisioned, but, I do know this isn’t it. I long for a mind which functions on “all 8 cylinders” as it did not all that long ago. Others similar in age move about like Gazelle’s and have no health issues. I too wish I could move about in such a manner. To move without pain. To live with complete abandonment of worry or fear. To posess enough energy to simply go through each day. I long for those slim, trim, almost fit days; where my body does not betray me as it displays a keen ability to flabbily sag and sway with each movement. Almost, as if shouting with glee, “Hey world look at me! My hubby and I looked forward to traveling and that too is … Reality quickly draws me back as a cruel reminder; those days can only be memories. Life plays a cruel joke, or so it seems.
As you can see I had a less than stellar attitude. The Holy Spirit sort of smacked me with the revelation I was pining for the past and wishing for what I no longer possessed. My reading plan for that day was to read Acts, chapter 10. I opened my Bible and began to read… ya gotta love God’s sense of humor and timing. Chapter 10 reveals the character of a man named Cornelius. A devout man, who feared God, was generous in his giving to the Lord and others; a man who prayed continuously. As a result of his heart for God, God was able to work through Cornelius in a pretty remarkable way. As I read the account of Cornelius’ interaction with the Lord, I wrote, “Lord. you spoke to Cornelius and he immediately responded. Unlike me a supposed follower, disciple, servant, “your daughter” who puts off and puts off; or who has a great start, yet, fizzles long before the end”. I sat quietly mulling over what I had just read and written. Shame washed over me. How many times have I failed to finish? Tears poured down as I broken-heartedly asked for forgiveness. Eventually the tears stopped. I found myself without words and somewhat numb. I felt the weight of lost years. Years where I could’ve accomplished things for God, yet didn’t follow through; didn’t finish. Ever so gently, ever so softly I heard the Lord, “Remember Peter?” “Yea, I remember Peter”. Peter started well and then he kind of fizzled when hit with a challenge. His story does not end where he fizzled. Peter, experiencing God’s grace and mercy, goes on to finish strong. He accomplished great works, overcoming major and often horrible obstacles. Peter touched and changed many lives for Jesus. My story, my journey with God is still being written. I can still finish strong! Praise the Lord all hope is not lost.
My final entry in my journal that day, “I don’t consider myself, yet, to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. ‘I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14. There’s still time to finish strong and by God’s grace and with his blessing, I pray I do.
Until next time,
As long as our story is still being written there’s always hope. “To God be the glory for ever and ever! Amen.” Galatians 1:5