My broken ankle experience has become more of a journey than I ever imagined. 7 months of physical therapy will soon come to an end. Praise the Lord I’m able to walk. Early on in my injury, friends, responded with comments such as, “God has your attention now”. Or, “I guess the only way God could slow you down was to break your ankle”; and other similar phrases. Those comments caused me a smidge of angst. I simply could not believe the God I knew would inflict such pain simply to get one’s attention. From this gal’s perspective, there were 3 scenarios to consider.
- Life happens! I simply stepped off the curb and twisted in a weird way and broke my ankle.
- Our church was gearing up for a church wide emphasis on prayer; the devil in an attempt to keep me from having impact found a way to take me out of the game.
- God wanted to get my attention, slow me down, as some alluded.
“Life happens” had been my perspective of choice. I simply stepped off a curb and broke my ankle. One question always seems to arise when I visit medical professionals. Not unusual, “What did you do to break your ankle so severely?” My reply, “I stepped off a curb with my foot half on and half off and immediately found myself on the ground in a middle-eastern prayer position”. Followed by a complete look of astonishment on their faces. Their next question, “Do you have osteoporosis”. Nope, even had a Dexa Scan following the injury. No osteoporosis, nada, zip. “Wow, when you do something, you sure do a good job. I don’t know when I’ve seen a break this bad from stepping off a curb” seems to be the universal reply. Which led me to consider scenario number 2.
“The Devil”, had he taken me out of commission? For what purpose? I’m not a key leader in prayer at our church; simply a gal who believes in the power of prayer, looking forward to learning more. Yes, I was a Bible study leader. Removing me from the “game”, however, would have no long-term or even short-term effects. I didn’t put much stock in this as a potential cause. Which led me to scenario number 3. An option, until recently, I would not consider.
One day, last month, I decided it was time to put together my writing schedule for the rest of the year. I was excited, so much so, I posted my friends on Facebook and shared my intentions. I was moving forward. I got out my calendar, my plan of action and did everything but my writing schedule. A couple weeks later, I decided it was time to get back to blogging. I needed my life back! I went to my desk, pulled up my website to begin writing. Did I write? No, instead I reorganized my website. I changed the color scheme, the layout, and organized pictures. I did everything blog related – except write. I knew I was avoiding writing, but why?
“Why are you not writing?” asked a friend recently. My journey thus far and my avoidance to writing became the topic for the evening. I shared, “No matter the cause for my broken ankle, I never doubted God would use my injury for good. I knew God would redeem my brokenness for his purposes”. The end result of our 3 hour discussion – a fourth perspective; one I had not considered, “God needed me to experience something for a greater purpose of his choosing which he was slowly revealing.”
Matter of semantics, you say? Does it really matter whether it was life, the enemy, or God? You broke your ankle and underwent some trying times. You’re better now and can get on with your life. So what’s the big deal? It matters! God clearly spoke to me in my hospital room. The message was clear. What I was to do with the message was not. I’ve come to realize I’ve been given a writing assignment by God. Scary? You bet! Hence, the reason for avoiding writing. Unconsciously, I thought, if I’m not writing at all, then I’m not disobedient. If I choose to write, but not write the message God has placed before me, I am being disobedient.
It’s not disobedience which keeps me from writing; it’s a lack of faith, a lack of confidence in my ability to do the task laid before me. It’s a fear of failure and a place of unsure footing; I’m clueless on how to begin. How do I accomplish the most important assignment of my life? I’m not qualified for such a great task. When realization struck as to why I was not writing, my young friend and I laughed and laughed as the name Moses was spoken in unison. I’m modeling my favorite Bible character.
More to come …
Until then, just call me “Moset