Forgive me Lord, I hurt too much…

Before my accident I would arise early in the morning and spend a good hour, sometimes 2 in my Bible, praying, and just chatting with the Lord. Sitting on my patio, with the birds singing and the waterfall humming, I’ve had some of the most intimate and life-changing discussions with God. I would not forfeit those times for anything. Well, almost. Lately, I’ve struggled to arise and get moving before mid-day.

fountainI asked the Lord, in prayer, to please begin awakening me in the early morning hours; knowing full well he would answer my request. The very next day I awoke at 7 AM. But, I didn’t get up. The next morning I awoke at 6:30 AM. But, I didn’t get up. I knew the Lord was waking me per my request, but still I did not get up. I asked for forgiveness and prayed he would not give up on me. The next morning I awoke at 6 AM. Did I get up? I did not. Once more I awoke at 6:30 AM, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt, the Lord was prompting me. I lay there, my body aching, my ankle throbbing in pain, and I uttered these words, “Forgive me Lord, I’m simply in too much pain; it hurts too much to get up!” In that moment, in the quiet stillness of the early dawn, a soft voice spoke, saying, “Good thing I didn’t feel that way, or you would have no hope”. Wow, talk about getting hit between the eyeballs. It wasn’t a harsh voice. There was no condemnation in the tone. It was soft, peaceful, gentle and loving. It was an incredible moment, which carried a stark realization. The Lord had a choice, and so do I. I meant more to Jesus, then unimaginable pain. Did he mean as much to me?

I love my time with the Lord, yet it’s seems to be one of the hardest things to accomplish every day. A battle rages on inside; the battle between good and evil. “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12. I often forget there’s more at work in my life than just me. Yes, there is a battle. But the battle belongs to the Lord. I cannot fight what I cannot see or completely understand. But, God can. It’s his battle to fight. My role is to surrender. I arose with love in my heart for what the Lord had done. I fixed my favorite cup of coffee, went out on my patio and spent a wonderful morning discussing life with my best friend. Oh how I’d missed him!

I would love to tell you I continue to arise early but that would be a falsehood. The battle to get out of bed and meet with my Lord rages on. It’s a battle worth fighting.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us (me… you) from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:38-39

I am eternally grateful Jesus chose to go to the cross, in spite of immense pain, so I might have a future filled with hope; A life which extends beyond earthly existence, all comprehension, understanding and imagination.

Until next time,
Sandra

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Author: Sandra

I became a writer in my later years. I love blogging and sharing life with others. I speak to women's groups about the Christian life.

2 thoughts on “Forgive me Lord, I hurt too much…”

  1. Hang in there Sandra! God will get you through each day as you are faithful to Him. I am blessed in knowing you. God bless your day and give you peace and strength and healing.

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