Faith Seen Through Vunlerability

Hello my friends,

It’s been sometime since my last writing. Many of you know, on January 29, I broke my ankle in 4 major places. Recently, I saw my x-rays taken post-surgery. I counted about 13 screws (one very, very long one) also an 8-12 inch plate which is reminiscent of the bike chains from my childhood days stretched out in a straight line, holding my Tibia bone Ankle ex-raytogether.  No plates in Fibia… just more screws. Boy, when someone says I have a screw loose, they just might be right 🙂 While not seen by x-ray, I understand there’s a mesh wire thingy which extends from the Tibia bone across the leg to the Fibia bone helping to keep the ankle ball-joint bone in alignment.  When I do something I strive for perfection in all things. 🙂 🙂 Thursday, April 10, I stood on my foot for the very first time. Ow, Ow, Ow!!!  I’m a long way from walking normal and sometimes wonder if I ever will again.

Enough history: I would love to share some of my journey. Sometimes I walked hand-n-hand with Jesus other times I would not allow Him to join me on the path. It has been, and still is, a path with a variety of twists, turns and surprises along the way.  It winds through dark forests, sweet meadows, deserts and alongside refreshing streams. I’ve experienced tornadoes of great fear and emotional quakes which shook me to my core. I questioned my faith and asked difficult questions; first of God and lately of me. At one point I came to the conclusion I had been living a complete lie.  The accident left me raw and stripped of what I knew. The blinders removed revealing a woman of no faith; or so I thought (more on this in a later post).

I am entering the 4 month of this journey and in my mind the dark times should be no more.  Yet, only a few short days ago I posted the following thoughts on Facebook in one of my dark forest moments.

I watch as the world moves along, yearning to be a part. Longing for the young gal of my youth who had the world by its tail; or so she believed. I remember joyful moments in days gone by. Pain quickly reminds me of my present. I cannot return to the past, the present is my reality and the future is yet to be. Someone once wrote to take joy in the journey and not be so quick to reach the destination as we miss the treasure along the way. I would like to sock that person in the nose, or kick-em right in the ankle. Sometimes, no matter how hard one searches, joy simply eludes you on the trail. The forest is dark and dense… light barely breaking through. The grip on my Fathers hand, not always secure. Praying He will not let go, I hang on, clinging to the promise He will lead me to the edge of the forest and a brighter tomorrow.

I wrote the above and contemplated hitting the post button for a good 15 minutes thinking, “Do I really want to post these feelings of loss, regret, pain and anguish”?  “For what purpose”? “I should be moving on.  I should be past all this nonsense!” “Sandra where is your faith?”  The wee small voice of the Holy Spirit from somewhere deep inside encouraged me to press the post button; I did.

I received the following reply from a young friend I had the privilege of mentoring a few years back.

My amazing friend, I hope God delivers you from this pain as soon as possible. Thank you for reminding me that it is ok for women who are more experienced in their walk with Jesus to not always have a tight grip on Jesus’ hand while walking a rough chunk of their path with Him. I miss you and your incredible wisdom, grace and most of all your desire to draw near to our amazing savior. Thank you for being such an example to me even through this season in life. Miss you!

Thank you, Dear One, for a pleasant reminder that it’s in our vulnerability and humbleness of spirit we are able to model a true walk of faith with Jesus. In our weakest moments He is most powerful.

Until next time,
Sandra

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Author: Sandra

I became a writer in my later years. I love blogging and sharing life with others. I speak to women's groups about the Christian life.

7 thoughts on “Faith Seen Through Vunlerability”

  1. Sandra, just read your last letter about Faith Seen Through Vulnerability. I think God has been taking you through deep waters for the last 3 months and you are still hanging in there. To me, that proves you DO HAVE FAITH in our Lord and Savior. You are quit an example for the rest of us to follow. I am so glad we have become friends. Your messages you write helps me to understand even more each day about our faith and walk with Jesus. He didn’t say it would be easy. I think about you a lot and have you on my prayer list. So glad you feel like writing again. Always look forward to what you have to say. May God heal you quickly. God bless. Carol Smith

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    1. Carol, Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to share words of encouragement. Sometimes I think the devil does not want me to write. I no sooner get up and around motivated to write and get knocked back down with a bad upper respitory infection. As a result Asthma is raring its ugly head too. Some days, I must admit, if the devil would leave me alone I would stop writing. But, then I remember, he does not get to win and the battle is not mine to fight. My battle is to keep-on-keeping-on. Again, thanks, your words mean a great deal.

      Hugs, Sandra

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  2. I’m so glad you’re back with your insightful written thoughts. I missed them — and you. You were/are in my thoughts/prayers so many times. You have so much to teach us. Your x-ray picture is incredible! You are loved!

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  3. I have had a similar struggle this Winter with a horrifically painful back! My faith was shaken as I suffered through the worst pain of my life! I blogged about my pain (written into a poem) but I feel like I am still trying to make sense out of the whole ordeal! My back is better yet I am changed…. shaken yet not broken. Thank you for sharing!
    ❤️Ann

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    1. Thank you Ann. I can relate to your back struggles as well. I had 3 discs in my lumbar region decide to collapse all at once. Kind of a chain reaction event over a 24 – 48 hour period. It was a rough time. But with lots of P.T. I got out of the wheel chair in quick time, then to a walker, a cane, and totally on my own. Similar to now, I guess, only a surgery thrown in on this one. It is often difficult to see God when one experiences times of darkness. I am reminded of a quote by Elizabeth Elliott, I believe, “Never forget in the dark what God has shown you in the light”. Thanks for sharing your struggle. Stop by anytime. I be happy to pray for you in your journey.

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