Hello my friends,
It’s been sometime since my last writing. Many of you know, on January 29, I broke my ankle in 4 major places. Recently, I saw my x-rays taken post-surgery. I counted about 13 screws (one very, very long one) also an 8-12 inch plate which is reminiscent of the bike chains from my childhood days stretched out in a straight line, holding my Tibia bone together. No plates in Fibia… just more screws. Boy, when someone says I have a screw loose, they just might be right 🙂 While not seen by x-ray, I understand there’s a mesh wire thingy which extends from the Tibia bone across the leg to the Fibia bone helping to keep the ankle ball-joint bone in alignment. When I do something I strive for perfection in all things. 🙂 🙂 Thursday, April 10, I stood on my foot for the very first time. Ow, Ow, Ow!!! I’m a long way from walking normal and sometimes wonder if I ever will again.
Enough history: I would love to share some of my journey. Sometimes I walked hand-n-hand with Jesus other times I would not allow Him to join me on the path. It has been, and still is, a path with a variety of twists, turns and surprises along the way. It winds through dark forests, sweet meadows, deserts and alongside refreshing streams. I’ve experienced tornadoes of great fear and emotional quakes which shook me to my core. I questioned my faith and asked difficult questions; first of God and lately of me. At one point I came to the conclusion I had been living a complete lie. The accident left me raw and stripped of what I knew. The blinders removed revealing a woman of no faith; or so I thought (more on this in a later post).
I am entering the 4 month of this journey and in my mind the dark times should be no more. Yet, only a few short days ago I posted the following thoughts on Facebook in one of my dark forest moments.
I watch as the world moves along, yearning to be a part. Longing for the young gal of my youth who had the world by its tail; or so she believed. I remember joyful moments in days gone by. Pain quickly reminds me of my present. I cannot return to the past, the present is my reality and the future is yet to be. Someone once wrote to take joy in the journey and not be so quick to reach the destination as we miss the treasure along the way. I would like to sock that person in the nose, or kick-em right in the ankle. Sometimes, no matter how hard one searches, joy simply eludes you on the trail. The forest is dark and dense… light barely breaking through. The grip on my Fathers hand, not always secure. Praying He will not let go, I hang on, clinging to the promise He will lead me to the edge of the forest and a brighter tomorrow.
I wrote the above and contemplated hitting the post button for a good 15 minutes thinking, “Do I really want to post these feelings of loss, regret, pain and anguish”? “For what purpose”? “I should be moving on. I should be past all this nonsense!” “Sandra where is your faith?” The wee small voice of the Holy Spirit from somewhere deep inside encouraged me to press the post button; I did.
I received the following reply from a young friend I had the privilege of mentoring a few years back.
My amazing friend, I hope God delivers you from this pain as soon as possible. Thank you for reminding me that it is ok for women who are more experienced in their walk with Jesus to not always have a tight grip on Jesus’ hand while walking a rough chunk of their path with Him. I miss you and your incredible wisdom, grace and most of all your desire to draw near to our amazing savior. Thank you for being such an example to me even through this season in life. Miss you!
Thank you, Dear One, for a pleasant reminder that it’s in our vulnerability and humbleness of spirit we are able to model a true walk of faith with Jesus. In our weakest moments He is most powerful.
Until next time,