Today, I share a page from my journal.
Some ride we’ve had these past 3 weeks, huh God; amazing and frightening all at the same time. We all know in theory one moment can change one’s life. When it’s your life it quickly becomes reality. How do people go through such trials without you to intercede and provide on their behalf? I’ve witnessed many of your attributes these past few weeks and grown closer to you. You became my Jehovah Nissi, my banner, as I struggled through extreme degrees of pain. The severity of the pain caught me off guard as I usually handle pain fairly well… What a roller coaster ride. Did I ever tell you I’m not a fan of roller coasters?
In the surgery prep area, on surgery day, I felt an overwhelming urge to say NO to surgery. It felt all wrong from the start. Nothing went right on the first try. There was no peace and too many things were amiss from this gals perspective. The anesthesiologist, who had the “deer in the head lights look” after hearing of my intubation challenges, put me over the edge. He looked more petrified than I. But you, O Lord, provided the right anesthesiologist at the last moment who knew his craft. I went in to the operating room with assurance and peace. You were my, Jehovah Shammah, the God who is there. Surgery appears to have been a success… I say appears as I’m awaiting my first follow-up visit. My heart tells me you have overseen all things and I have nothing to fear. However, too often the voices in my head whisper otherwise. I lean on and trust you, my Jehovah Rapha, healer, while I and others pray for complete healing and restoration of my ankle.
My vulnerability and accident have not gone unnoticed by the enemy. He is trying hard to cause doubt, fear, and unsettledness in my life. I have experienced crippling fear… Fear beyond normal. Fear which gripped hard and shook my sanity. (Who told him anyway? Next time I shall pray Satan and his demons be blinded and kept from interaction in my circumstances). Through the midst of this battle I’ve experienced the God who brings peace, my Jehovah Shalom.
Ah, Jehovah Jireh, my provider, observed in friends who searched out and delivered needed medical equipment and a comfy adjustable bed. Friends who prepared and delivered meals or provided funds to purchase take-out. Yum…. Friends have shown the love of Jesus in sacrificing their time to come and “Sandra” sit so Hubby can have peace of mind while away from home. You’ve been my Jehovah Raah, shepherd, as you’ve watched over me all the way and gifted me with many friends (and strangers) who prayed me through difficult moments; folks who encourage me with the truth of your Word and who continue to hold me up in prayer until victory is complete.
There is much which lies ahead, more challenges, more figuring out this whole process of surrender and trust in my relationship with you. Not to mention the physical side of rehab, healing and learning to walk in my old age. I am learning a lot about our world and the world of the disabled. Through this experience you have given me a deeper depth of understanding. Our world is not always kind or favorable to the elderly or physically challenged. I’m more sensitive to the struggle or battle to overcome fear. I must confess I look forward to my future with some trepidation and yet past experience tells me I am not alone. You are El Shaddai, El Elyon, El Olam – Lord God Almighty, the Most High God, Everlasting God who loves me.
Until next time,
Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”