My frustration level has been pretty low today (this is kind of an understatement). Why, I even swore at my computer for giving me a challenge. Nothing new, but today I was in no mood for problems. I am not a swearer and to use profanity of any kind is very out of character. I finally had to stop and ask the question, “What is going on here Lord?” “What is wrong with me today?
I am scheduled for a diagnostic medical procedure known as a Colonoscopy this coming week. Not my first time down this road. I have no reason to be nervous or fearful unless you take into account a past experience. Several years ago, I had a procedure which diagnosed a malignancy, which led to surgery. In the course of surgery I woke up under anesthesia completely paralyzed. Being completely paralyzed I had no way to communicate I could hear, feel, and see; even though my eyelids were closed; trust me… it was one of those Oprah show moments. The surgeon cancelled the surgery before any actual cutting began due to other complications (a story for another time). One month later I returned to the hospital for a 2nd attempt at a successful surgery. Talk about fear! The 2nd attempt was successful and came off without a hitch – PTL.
Evidently, I have an underlying fear, I am not acknowledging, which is making itself known in irritation with almost everything; as well as an intolerance for tasks I find frustrating or which are not going my way. Things I would ordinarily take in stride.
My head tells me it is no big deal. I have had this upcoming procedure many times with no issues or complications. Doctor tells me the preparation for the procedure is easier than ever before; this will remain to be seen. I will keep you posted 🙂 While my head says one thing my emotions are telling me another. I have said before fear is normal. We all experience fear at one time or another; it’s what we do with our fear which counts.
Therefore, in no particular order:
- I will acknowledge I am afraid even though logic says I shouldn’t be.
- I will go to God in prayer each time I sense I am about to go out of control over nothing.
- I will allow God to be in control of my fear by gathering up a couple of great verses and committing them to memory.
- I will yell, loudly at the devil, to get thee behind me and leave me alone… For that matter, he can simply go to hell!
- I will place my trust in the One who knows me best.
- I will ask others to pray for my peace as well as the upcoming procedure.
- I will trust God for the outcome.
Guess that about sums up this Fearless Monday’s post.
Until next time,