As a Christian I look forward to Easter. This year I didn’t care. Feeling this way–my heart hurt! Yet, at the same time, I didn’t care. Good Friday arrived; I wondered what is wrong, I should not feel this way. My hubby and I prepared for Wii bowling; fleeting thoughts of I don’t care soon a dim memory. Saturday came – chores to do, Bible study prep, and time with hubby at the bowling alley quieted my “What is wrong?” question. Two of my all time favorite movies were on TV; surely watching these will take care of Easter blahs. It didn’t! The nagging persisted in my sleep; I wrestled, I turned, I tossed, something is not right… but I didn’t care. I should have gotten up and opened my Bible. I should have taken my struggle to the Lord; but I didn’t. In fact, like a little child who knows she’s done wrong, I hid. Not literally of course… I never opened my Bible. I never took my frustration and feelings to the one who held answers to my struggle. I never prayed, I didn’t do anything, I didn’t care.
Easter morning arrived just as expected; no different from any other Sunday; except for a nagging feeling in the back of my head… something’s out of kilt. On our ½ hour drive to church, I said to my hubby, this breaks my heart to admit…. “its Easter morning and I don’t care.”
In our church we smile at each other, we shake hands, we give hugs, and we say good morning; it’s like a large family. Today, Easter, everyone is a wee bit more friendly and more outgoing; all-in-all a great day; except for the nagging feeling. Worship songs today – terrific; although I only sang one. During Communion time I confessed my frustration regarding not caring. I asked Jesus for forgiveness. I asked Him to show me the root cause and why it would not leave. The Easter message our Pastor shared – an excellent message! I left church feeling refreshed and renewed…except for the nagging.
Late in the afternoon I heard a voice (Faith tells me it’s God’s voice I heard) from within say, “Sandra, you are feeling apathy”. Inside my head was screaming, oh no, Lord say it isn’t true. “Lord, how can I, your child, ever feel apathetic for the greatest gift ever given”? “Lord, you literally took my place on the cross for my sins. Freely without question or doubt”! My mind started spinning, oh no, Lord say it isn’t true. I sat there in a whirlwind of guilt, shame, almost despair, I heard God say, “My child, apathy is a growing concern I have for my children. Apathy, too, is what keeps those who don’t know me from coming to me”. They don’t understand and they don’t care.
Because I am a child of God I desire to be all He would have me be. Therefore, my I don’t care attitude bothered me. Apathy, however, often goes unnoticed. Apathy finds its way in the busyness of the day which says, “I will have time for You later; right now I must __________. Apathy grows in life events clamoring for our attention. Apathy is found in the thought…“Tomorrow”, there is always tomorrow.
The definition for apathy is lack of emotion or interest. A nondescript word with a nondescript definition the devil uses in powerful ways! If he can get us to be apathetic (indifferent, lethargic, phlegmatic, listless and unconcerned) about our relationship with God; he wins.
My journey, or life lesson, over these past few days is not complete. I know there’s more God desires to teach me. All of these precious “Life Lessons” usually require a response or a to-do on my part. It is a mystery for now, the Lord will reveal all in His good timing.
I may not know my to-do right now. I do know for absolute sure… when we, His children, are apathetic in our walk with Him and for His people, it hurts God’s heart. I do know for absolute sure… when those who do not know the Lord are apathetic, as if it does not matter how much God loves each one, God’s heart hurts. When we, His children, are apathetic, much is at stake.
I cannot help but wonder if this new found feeling of apathy may have come by God’s hand for me to experience, to feel, to get my attention. My first response to all I have been made aware will be to submit to the Holy Spirit’s teaching. My desire is to never again feel apathetic! My second response is to explore the issue of spiritual apathy. I have more questions than answers. How do we, how do I, combat apathy? How do we recognize its subtlety? How do we reach out to non-Christians who have an attitude of apathy towards God? And how can we encourage others, our brothers and sisters in Christ, who have or are slowly becoming apathetic in their walk?
Until next time,
But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth! Revelation 3:16