What Happened to the Wonder?

Dear friends,

I’m riding on a roller coaster feeling far away from God, wondering if God changed His address. I wonder? He didn’t move – – I did. I stopped reading my Bible. I stopped praying, I stopped journaling every day. Relationships need intentionality. I must be intentional in connecting with God. Relationships simply will not happen by osmosis. God will woo me and beckon me, but… God absolutely will not force a relationship. I want more – more of God – more of Jesus in my life. I am at a loss to put words to my yearning. I only know hunger way down deep, in my soul, a hunger that will not be satisfied is gnawing away inside One day I simply stopped struggling and wrestling and chose to ignore the burn from within. I chose to walk away and pretend, “Who needs an intimate relationship with God any way? Isn’t it enough to just to know Christ. No, it’s not enough. I need an intimate relationship with my creator. We all do! I don’t want to settle for anything less…. Do you?

In THE ORGANIC GOD by Margaret Feinberg, Margaret writes “I want to discover God again, a new, in a fresh way. I want my love for him to come alive again so that my heart dances at the very thought of him. I want a real relationship with him-a relationship that isn’t altered by perfumes, additives, chemicals, or artificial flavors that promise to make it sweeter, sourer, or tastier than it really is. I want to know a God who, in all his fullness would allow me to know him. I want a relationship that is real, authentic, and life-giving even when it hurts. I want to know God stripped of his many faults, perceptions as possible. Such a journey risks exposure, honesty, and even pain, but I’m hungry and desperate enough to go there. I want to know the Organic God.” In one simple, single, paragraph Margaret voiced my yearning.

My longing, my deep yearning, is still with me. Christmas has arrived – “the Season of Miracles”. I wonder… will I finally come to understand and grasp that for which I so desperately long?

I know, it’s not about Christmas trees, ornaments, lights or gifts. I know it’s not about family gatherings or friends sharing together. Hmm, I wonder, “What would happen if all those things disappeared”? “What happens to Christmas”? If I take the festivities, the tree, ornaments, lights etc., away? Will I find the wonder again? Perhaps?

I’ve lost my first love; I have lost the child like wonder of seeing Christ fresh, new every day. I desperately pant for the wonder in God’s creation. I want to be struck by his mercies which are new every morning, new every moment. I desire not to simply see the beauty, I long for amazement. The childlike awe when experienced for the first time. I want my heart filled with love and wonder; love for my Lord and wonder at all He provides.

Yes, perhaps this will be the season I finally grasp the real meaning of Christmas!

Until next time,
Hugs, Sandra

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Author: Sandra

I became a writer in my later years. I love blogging and sharing life with others. I speak to women's groups about the Christian life.

4 thoughts on “What Happened to the Wonder?”

  1. Sandra, thanks for your transperancy. I feel like I’ve going through something similar. I go to Bible studies but feel like I can’t connect with what is being studied, feels more like I’m going through the motions but not absorbing what I’m studying. I don’t like it but can’t seem to snap out of it. I’ve prayed and asked Him for help, asked about any sins that might be standing in the way but haven’t gotten any clarity so far. When I get like this my natural hermitting (is that a word?) tendencies intensify and I draw away from people. Its such a vicious cycle! I am aware of God working in my life, have God-sightings, yet still feel apart a lot of the time.

    So…I feel for you because I feel it myself. I’ll be praying for you, please pray for me in return. Thanks.
    In His strength,
    Ingrid

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    1. I hear ya my friend. Said a prayer for you. Thank you for your transparency and for sharing. May I encourage you not to withdraw. I know that it is easier but it is not necessarily healthy. It will only intensify or feed the isolation and loneliness. I have had to fight some of those same tendencies. Hang in there and maybe we can sort this out together Hugs, Me

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  2. I have experienced the same pain in my lifetime as I wandered away from my God for many years. Once I came to the realization that my pain wasn’t caused by God it was me that was causing it I came back and God welcomed me with open arms. His love is real and not superficial like the God of Money Lust and all the other Gods that lure us away from our true love and that love being our Savior Jesus. In Christ, Jack.

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