Sadly, sometimes my faith collides with my fear. I want to believe that God is in the midst of all this, but when the pain hits, it’s hard. The fear – that I will live the rest of my life in pain, taking meds to make life bearable; fear that P.T. won’t do the job it is intended; fear my life will never be the same haunts one’s inner being. A big fear – that even as I get better, it won’t last and all the pain and debilitation will return; only more painful and debilitating then before. The enemy whispers, “If God really loved you… if God was really healing you, then you wouldn’t have such pain. He could take it away with mere words. All He has to do is speak and you would be healed; yet, here you are.” And the voice continues, “Who do you think you are that God would bring healing to you. Look at so and so, and so and so; they have had similar circumstances and their pain never went away. They deal with pain day-after-day; they too believed God would heal them. So, just who do you think you are? Rather arrogant isn’t it, that you would believe God will bring complete healing to you, over someone else. Just what makes you so special?”
I hate those voices which taunt relentlessly. No matter how hard I try, I cannot quiet them. Oh, I get them quiet for the moment; but before long they return. Isn’t that just like the enemy? He knows how to hit you at your weakest and most vulnerable moments. Satan knows how, when, where, and in which ways to defeat you. But he doesn’t get to win; he doesn’t have the last word!
It’s precisely in these moments when I need to remember what the Word of God says. It’s in these times I must choose to believe what I cannot see, touch or feel. This is when I need to speak truth to myself; God’s truth.
What is that truth? God loves me! God wants me to have life and to have it abundantly! God does heal today – sometimes miraculously in an instant and sometimes the miracle happens over time; but nevertheless, still a miracle. God doesn’t always choose to heal; sometimes we must travel the road laid before us. When that’s our path, God is always in the midst, and we never walk alone. He will give us the strength we need. God always comes alongside. My job is to remember that no matter what I might feel at the moment, no matter what my circumstances might say, God wants only my best. No matter what I see, or think I know, God sees the completed picture.
Sounds easy, doesn’t it? It’s not easy by any stretch! If it was … my faith and my fear wouldn’t collide so often; it wouldn’t be an ongoing battle. It’s one of my biggest challenges, especially at this time in my life. However, when I am faithful to take my doubts and my fears to the One who can do something about them, He is faithful to meet me in my moment of weakness.
Heavenly Father, I give it all to You; all the fear, all the doubt, all the woulda-coulda-shouda. Please fill me with your peace as I learn to trust You more; as I lean on You. In Your son’s most precious name; AMEN
John 10:10: “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they (Sandra) may have life, and that they (Sandra) may have it more abundantly.” NKJV
Hebrews 11:1: “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” NKJV